Kitchen Adventures: Miscellaneous

I've been keeping myself busy in the kitchen lately. Here are some of the things I made last week:

Fettuccine w/bolognese

Ginger-molasses cookies (aka Ultimate Ginger Cookies)


Cranberry-ginger granola

There was also red wine risotto with bacon and mushrooms, and cranberry-orange-almond bread. Some things get eaten before they get their picture taken ; ).

6 Months

Yesterday should have been Julian's "half-birthday". I figured out why the six month point is so hard, at least for me. At this point, the amount of time I knew Julian is equal to the amount of time that has passed since he died. Sure, I was pregnant for nine months, but I didn't see or feel him until after the first trimester. I first saw his face and little hands and feet during an ultrasound in January, and I started to show and feel him move a few weeks later. No matter how many photos I look at or how much time I spend thinking about him, I know the memories of those short six months with him will warp and fade as time goes on. But, they are all I have of my dear son, so I will continue to revisit those precious memories, and savor them.

"He's always alive in our hearts and minds."

-Momma Scott

A January Sunrise

Guest Blogger: Momma Scott

Dear Baby Julian,

Julian, you would be 6 months old now.  I had a plan to steal you away from your Mommy and Daddy for a few days.  I love 6 month old babies.  It’s the perfect infant age.  You would be able to sit up on your own but not crawl away. You would recognize people but hopefully not see me as a stranger! I can just imagine your cute smiles.  I wish we had been able to see your eyes when you were born. That’s the only missing piece in my imagination of how you would look now.  How much fun we would be having!

Although you’re not here in body, you are certainly here in spirit.  I used to look at your pictures every night before I went to sleep.  I don’t do that as much anymore, but don’t think I have forgotten you. I think of you often as I drive to work.  I think of you when I have rest time at the end of yoga class. I think of you in all those other quiet alone times when I wish you were here.  As I said before, we can feel you here in our hearts.  It’s just the empty arms that make us all feel so sad.

Your Mommy and Daddy miss being your Mommy and Daddy so much.  Yes, they are your parents, but they so wish you were here to love and hold. We are all trying not to be jealous of all those other parents and grandparents who do have their babies with them.  But we do have something.  We have our memories of that special night when we did get to hold you and kiss you and in my case, bathe you.  And we have our imaginings of what you would be like today on your 6 month old birthday…

Love,

Your Grandma

Requiem

I just finished our third and final performance of Verdi's Requiem. All three performances were beautiful and moving. Tonight I sang for Julian.

"Requiem aeternam, dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis."

What's Different

How am I different since July 22, 2012?

I now share my feelings and details of my life on the internet (albeit with a select group of friends and family).

I can't watch several of my favorite shows this season because of pregnancy/baby-related storylines (e.g. Modern Family).

I've found it hard to keep in touch with some friends. I've gotten closer to others.

I have eczema flare-ups, something I haven't had to deal with since middle school.

I am more likely to expect the worst.

I understand my parents better.

I am often tempted to write rude things in response to people's Facebook postings when they complain about parenthood.

I weigh less than I did before I was pregnant. (Don't worry, I do eat-regularly and well.)

I do acupuncture regularly.

I feel awkward in most social situations. During almost every interaction, about 30% of my mental energy is devoted to wondering if something will come up about pregnancy or babies, and how I will handle either topic.

I'm trying to get pregnant. I didn't think I would have to do this again for a while.

50th on 30th

This is my 50th post!

Taison's 30th birthday is on Sunday. In honor of this milestone, here are 30 things I love about him:

1. His kindness
2. His sense of humor-we are silly in the same way
3. The fact that he can get along with just about anyone, no matter how much or how little he has in common with them
4. His smile
5. His willingness to try anything I cook or decide we should eat (avocado pound cake, quiche, raw oysters, kohlrabi)
6. His ability to comfort me
7. His ability to make me laugh
8. His enthusiasm for bicycling
9. His interest in managing our finances
10. His eclectic taste in music
11. His willingness to try new things (installing ceiling fans, playing the sax)
12. That he turns on the heat before I have to get out of bed and warms up the car before I go out (I hate being cold!)
13. That he likes to straighten up before we travel so we can come home to a clean house
14. That he loves to travel and has become our travel agent
15. That he loves the beach
16. His interest in indie films
17. His willingness to ask if he doesn't understand something
18. His willingness to talk about his feelings
19. The way he enthusiastically supports my interests (music, yoga, gardening)
20. His ability to appreciate what he has in life
21. His unsqueamishness
22. That he gets along with my parents and brothers really well
23. That he is a good teacher
24. His openmindedness
25. That he values family over work
26. That he is always thinking of ways to improve himself
27. That he likes my natural hair
28. That he gives good hugs
29. That he likes animals
30. That he loves the idea of being a dad

Happy Birthday, Taison. I love you so much, and I look forward to what the next decade has in store for us.

Lulu Love

Taison gave me a gift certificate to Lululemon as a "push present" last year. I never would have bought myself anything there on my own, but now I'm hooked. I just got another pair of their yoga pants. Lululemon pants are amazing. They feel good and they make you look good. It's funny, because I don't even do yoga in public anymore (I'm back to practicing at home, often using classes from Yoga Today). I have these great pants and the only person who sees them is Taison. He appreciates them, though ; ).

In Vermont last summer wearing my new Lululemon gear

I was struck by how getting a few new, good-quality, well-fitting clothes helped my confidence as I slowly rejoined the world after Julian was born. I learned that "look good, feel good" is actually true in some cases. And having comfy yoga wear makes me want to do more yoga, which makes me feel even better. Taison chose a perfect push present-it was a gift that keeps on giving.

A Quote

I came across this quote recently and it resonated with me:

"Not everyone understands how you can spin two lassos at the same time, 

one of hope and one of grief."

Kitchen Adventures: Bread in a Pot

I made a loaf of bread in my favorite Le Creuset pot : )

Here's the recipe: Crusty Bread

Just out of the oven

Looks (and tastes) delicious