3

Dear Julian,

You would have been 3 years old today. Alain seems like a big boy to me now as a 19 month old; I can't imagine what a 3 year old would be like! Your little brother loves playing with the big kids when we go to the library or the playground. I wish you two could play together.

I spend a lot of time talking about and to Alain, but I still think about you a lot. I wonder how similar or different you would have been from Alain-bear. I wonder what it would have been like to hear you say "mama" and "daddy", or what your nickname would have been. I wonder if you would have been as excited about buses and fire trucks and dogs and splashing and berries as your brother is.

I wish and wonder a lot of things about you. The few things that I know are: you were strong and beautiful, and you were and will always be loved by many. I'm honored to have carried you and given birth to you. Happy birthday, my sweet little one.

Love,
Mommy

July in a New Place

It's Julian's birthday month, the first one away from Boston. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Even though we've moved, I still feel close to him. I think Alain helps. He is so full of love and laughter that it kind of spills over into my thoughts and memories of Julian in my quiet moments. It's nice that Alain is a snuggler, too. Those generous bear hugs of his help, at least a tiny bit, to make up for the snuggles that I've missed out on with Julian.