Interesting Week

This week started with delicious whole-wheat blueberry pancakes on Sunday morning. I had been wanting pancakes for about two weeks, and was so happy these came out well (pancakes are hit-or-miss for me).

Yum (adapted from Blueberry Whole-Wheat Pancakes)

I planted this year's veggie garden on Monday with our neighbor. Tomatoes, basil, eggplant, poblano peppers, cilantro, carrots, lettuce, arugula, snap peas, green beans and more. We got plenty of rain the next day and then lots of sun-should be a good start for the plants.

Taison outdid me in the scrumptious breakfast food category this week with this meal at a cafe in Chapel Hill. Even he commented on how tasty it was. It helps that he was in particularly good company-he went to visit some of our favorite friends in NC during a whirlwind tour of the south this week.

Upscale chicken and waffles

I enjoyed some good company myself when I went with one of my best buddies to see Matthew Morrison from Glee perform with the Boston Pops on Wednesday night. It was a fun, upbeat concert and a nice chance to catch up with a friend. Definitely worth staying up a little bit past my bedtime.

Taison came home on Thursday, but unfortunately had to make plans to head right back down to VA to tend to his grandma. Which means we had to amend our anniversary celebration from a day trip to Newport to lunch in Harvard Square. We like Harvard Square, though, and had a nice meal. 

4 years!

After lunch, we got to see baby : ) : ) : ). We had an ultrasound to check for genetic abnormalities (NT scan). Baby looks great-was moving around and is just the size he or she should be now. It was very reassuring to see the little one.

Baby at almost 13 weeks

New Beginings

Gerber daisies are my favorite. I had them in my wedding bouquet. Something about their sweet little flower-faces just makes me happy. I got this Gerber two weeks after Julian was born, just before my parents left to go back to VA. I didn't know what color the flowers would be, so it was kind of a game to wait for it to bloom. It bloomed exactly once last summer: a pure, snow white. Then it almost died over the winter. It bloomed again for the first time last month. This time, there was not just one bloom, but two.

A week before my favorite flower bloomed again, we found out that I'm pregnant with our second child, Julian's baby brother or sister. We were so, so happy to see that second line show up on the pregnancy test. I'm 11 weeks along now, and baby is due Dec. 8.

Taison and I got to hear baby's heartbeat last Tuesday. Such a beautiful, precious sound. So far, I'm more excited than nervous, but the fear that something will go wrong is always there in the background. We're just grateful for every day that we have with this baby, and hope that his or her heart keeps beating for a long, long, long time.

Thank You

Mother's Day would have been much harder for me had it not been for a few kind and thoughtful words. Every text and email that I received today softened the pain of spending the day without Julian in my arms. I am so grateful to have friends who somehow know what to say in impossible situations. I am thankful for a husband who found a card for me that actually made me laugh a little. And, I am thankful for my dear, sweet, beautiful, amazing mommy.

It Still Stings Sometimes

I can do everyday life pretty well now. I laugh at work and smile at strangers on the street. I can answer honestly when people ask me if I have any children. But, every now and then, I am still knocked back to those stomach-drop, heart-palpitation moments that I felt so frequently in those first few weeks after we lost Julian. Most recently, this feeling was triggered by a post from an acquaintance on Facebook. Apparently, she is expecting a baby boy (her first) any day now, and plans to name him Julian. I promptly hid her from my newsfeed. If she has better luck than me, soon there will be photos of a cute little brown baby named Julian all over Facebook. Of course, people can name their children anything they want. The world hasn't retired the name Julian. It just stung to see that.

Usually it makes me happy to see or hear that name, because it reminds me of our Julian. Remembering him does not make me upset. Julian was fun, beautiful and perfect. He brought joy to our lives for nine months. What makes me upset is the fact that he died, and that, while I am his mother, I will never get to mother him. 

"The Scared is Scared"

This video made me smile, then laugh, then tear up a little, then laugh again.