Alain is allowed to come to our room after his "ok to wake" clock turns green at 6am. He snuggles in next to me and goes back to sleep for a bit (Taison is usually on his way out the door at this time). When he wakes again, he often chooses to wake me with a great pronouncement or demand yelled close to my ear, such as "It's MOOOORNING TIME!" or "what's for breakfast!?!". This time, he asked (a little more quietly),
Were you happy when I came?
Yes, I always like when you come in for cozies after your clock turns green.
No, a long time ago.
You mean when you were born?...Yes, I was very happy.
Because Julian died?
So, I'm glad he gets it. I'm glad we've told him about his big brother, and that we take him to visit Julian's stone at Edgartown Lighthouse, and that we include Julian's name in bedtime prayers. I'm glad that we've explained death as it's come up in the last year, from Grandpa Ernest to Jesus to fresh rabbit roadkill to baby birds whose nest was too close to the ground.
I didn't cry at that moment, or even that morning. We snuggled and chatted a little more about how much daddy and mommy wanted to raise a baby and watch him or her grow up. And then it was time to discuss breakfast.