A Special Little Video

Taison put together a video of some of the highlights of our year with the Alain-bear. I'll post that here in lieu of trying to catch up on the whole fall in one post. I will say that the fall was a pleasant, sometimes stressful whirlwind. The bear learned to have fun at daycare, I guided 17 undergrads through a semester-long overview of the US health care system, and Taison continued to do a great job of balancing his demanding job with family time. The bear is almost walking and has recently cut two more teeth, with at least one more right behind. He babbles a ton and claps to celebrate all of the little things in life : ).

Here's the video*-it made me cry the first time I saw it. Just a few grateful tears. We still look at Alain sometimes and can't believe that he's ours, and he's here, and we get to raise him.

"Bye-bye, 2014! Thanks for being so good to us."

*The music in the video is inspired by a spontaneous post-Christmas Eve dinner family singalong, and the fact that Taison and I love Rent and were lucky to see it on Broadway before it closed.

Thinking of you...

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day. We didn't light a candle at 7pm like we did last year and the year before, but that doesn't mean we weren't thinking of Julian.

When I take Alain-bear to singalong at the library, I sometimes catch myself staring at the 2 year olds, trying to imagine what it would be like to have a child that age right now, trying to imagine what Julian would be like now. It's impossible-we've had way more time with Alain than we did with Julian, and I can't even imagine what Alain will be like at that age.

Anyway, back to my original thought, which is simply:

Dear, sweet Julian-Mommy loves you, misses you, and is thinking of you, now and always.

...And now it's fall

September seemed new to me this year, and I finally figured out why. This is the first September I've fully participated in since 2011. I was still limping along through life in Sept. 2012, and I was recovering from my early labor scare in Sept. 2013. What I've realized/remembered this year: September can be a lovely month!

I've enjoyed sharing the fruits of the late summer/early fall harvest with Alain. Peaches and corn were  favorites; now we've moved on to apples. He has two little teeth, and is learning how to use them. We're still taking it slow with new foods. He had another allergic reaction when we gave him bread for the first time a few weeks ago : / We're not sure if he's allergic to wheat, or yeast, or if there were traces of sesame or nuts in the bread that he might have reacted to. We're going to take him to an allergist next month. In the meantime, we'll cautiously introduce a few more new foods (he still hasn't had eggs or dairy) over the next few weeks, and keep the Benadryl (and Epi-pen) handy.

I'm enjoying my teaching gig; it's nice to use my brain in a different way. I like my little class (just 17 students, mostly freshmen). Some days it feels hard to find time to prepare for my lectures and grade assignments, but I'm keeping up.  The bear is doing well with daycare. He still cries when I leave him, but not for long. His love for socializing wins out eventually ; )

We got to spend some bonus time on the Vineyard this month. We went back for a service at the lighthouse where Julian's memorial stone is. It was nice to visit the site alongside other families who were remembering their little ones. So sad to think of all of the babies and children who are missed so badly, but nice that they can be memorialized in such a special place. 

No time to write more now, but hopefully I can come back soon to add some photos!

Visiting the aquarium for the first time!

Sitting by Julian's memorial stone at the lighthouse

Having a quiet moment with mommy

Still one of his favorite toys

Hanging out with g'ma in the awesome sweater she knit for him

Crawling (!) with his buddy

First shoes!

Just hanging out

Bedtime story with daddy (he is very particular about his books)

Leaves!

August!

...it's already almost over!

Quick highlights:

1. The Vineyard-We spent two glorious weeks there. My parents, Alex and Liz joined us for a few days. The bear liked the sand but not the water, and LOVED story time at the West Tisbury library. It was a "working vacation" for Taison and I-he was studying for boards and I was reviewing the textbook for the class I'll be teaching this fall (more on that later). 

On our way!

Date night!

Uncle Alex!

Mmmm...lobster roll

Memorial for Julian at the base of Edgartown lighthouse

You can see the Edgartown lighthouse in the distance

Oh, and Alain met Hilary Clinton!

Happy grandparents on the beach

2. Teeth! Alain turned 9 months old last week, and his first tooth broke through on that very day. The second one's on it's way.

3. Back to school-I thought this would be my first fall not involved in school/teaching, but I accepted a position in July teaching a course back at NU on the American health care system. So...just call me Professor Bell?

4. Daycare bear-Since I'll be teaching twice a week, the bear is going to daycare part time. We found a center we really like around the corner. It's going to be a tough transition for Alain (separation anxiety has just kicked in), but we think he'll like it a lot once he settles in.

What Alain's into lately:

Swings

Books

Still loves his piano-although he spends most of his time upending it rather than playing it

Cheesing

Practicing using that tooth!

He's also *this close* to crawling and has started trying to pull up to stand. So baby-proofing is now on the to-do list. 

Julian's Month

Another July is ending. My mom was with us for Julian's birthday this year. We remembered him with a little cake and some quiet time on the porch on the evening of the 21st, because we were away from Taison at Tanglewood on Julian's actual birthday. That night before bed, I looked back at all of the photos of our first beautiful boy.

Alain in his "I Love My Big Brother" onesie

I think I'll always think of July as Julian's month. We didn't choose his name based on his birth month; it just worked out that way. I was actually convinced he would come late and would be an August baby. It seems strange now to think that we didn't even know if he was a boy or a girl until he was born. We chose a boy and a girl name for "Baby Bell" in the quiet time of my labor after getting an epidural and before pushing. I can't remember now what girl name we chose. Julian was perfect for our sweet little boy, though.

Another Month

Another month has passed with no new posts! I might be able to keep up with this better if I could do it one-handed from my phone. Sometimes I think of posts I would like to write, but the days and nights just get away from me.

Anyway, here are some highlights from the last few weeks:

Alain visited NYC for the first time (with parents and Scott grandparents, who babysat while Taison and I went to see Wicked!).
I officially joined the board of the Cambridge YWCA.
Taison finished his year of being chief resident.

Alain just turned 7 months old. He has mastered sitting, and is very pleased with himself to sit up and look around at the world. He loves oatmeal and broccoli (not together) and suddenly hates bananas, but seems to like plantains. Rather than just cry, he often does "sad speech" or "mad speech", in which he combines his ever-growing set of "words" with crying to try to explain to us what he wants or what we're doing wrong. Unfortunately, we don't quite understand these speeches, because they're in baby-talk, not English (or Spanish). It's pitiful and hilarious at the same time to hear him do it.

That's all for now-I'll try to come back to at least add a few photos to this post soon!

Ok, I'm back to finish up, 24 hrs later:

Father's day walk in the Middlesex Fells

Naked baaaabyyyyyyy!

Picnic in Boston-complete with lobster rolls!

Hanging out on a quilt great-grandma Merry made

Beach bear (Crane Beach, MA)

Story time with grandma (and daddy) in NYC

Visiting grandma's old grad school stomping grounds

Smooching on the High Line

On top of the Empire State Building, where he also had a snack (never imagined breastfeeding there)

High Line: 2014 and 2011

Smiles : )

Rainbows

Double rainbow 5/30/14

We miss you and love you, Julian.

Six Months

Dear Alain,

You turned six months old today! Although we celebrated your half birthday last weekend at Grandma and Grandpa Scott's house, I wanted to take some time today to think and write about the past six months we've had with you. Every day, for six months, I have gotten to kiss you, snuggle you, and watch you learn about the world. Daddy has, too. This makes us both so happy. We love taking care of you and sharing our lives with you. You have challenged and delighted us as we've learned about you and watched you develop your own personality.

I have so many favorite things about you that it's hard to list. I love your smile-it lights up your whole face and delights whomever you smile at. I love to nibble on your cheeks and chin. I love to hear your voice-your "victory yell" and laughs and squeals and babbles. I love the face you make right after you roll over onto your back during tummy time. I love your "blank face" that you give people when you are first warming up to them. I love when you fall asleep in my arms. I love to watch you play with Daddy. (Daddy loves the way you look up at him from the stroller when he's about to pick you up.) I love the face you make when you're focusing hard on a task. I love how I can tell what kind of mood you're in just by looking at your feet. I love how you sometimes insist on leaning back and looking at the world upside-down.

Happy half-birthday, my dear, sweet, silly, happy boy.

Love,
Mommy

6 month old "Alain-bear"

20.5lbs, 26.5in long

Loves to play with Farm Tails book, sip water out of a glass, and pull his socks off : )

Mother's Day

I just celebrated my 3rd Mother's Day. Mother's Day #1, I was pregnant with Baby Bell. Mother's Day #2, I was bereaved mommy to Julian and pregnant with Alain. This Mother's Day, I got to celebrate and reflect with one of my beautiful babies in my arms. I love being a mommy to a living child. Alain is such a fun little bear, with so much personality. Even during the hard times when he's cranky or not feeling well, my heart is so full of gratitude that I get to raise this little guy.

Finally Spring

Alain captured how I feel about it finally being spring with this face:

I'm so excited for non-bundled walks, picnics, farmers markets, gardening and exposed baby rolls. Speaking of rolling, Alain has finally learned to roll over (tummy to back) while clothed. He learned to roll naked weeks ago, but the bulky cloth diaper adds an extra challenge.

We haven't introduced any solid foods yet. We're planning to wait until he's closer to six months old, but may start a little earlier because he's getting very interested in what we're eating and drinking. He's still refusing to drink milk from anywhere except me, so we're giving up on bottles and are going to try sippy cups. Should be entertaining.

We're going to VA again next month to visit family, get our first family photos taken at Meadowlark where we got married (five years ago!) and to have a little welcome/half birthday celebration for Alain. A lot of friends and family in the MD/DC/VA area still haven't met him, so we decided to do a casual open house at my parents. I also liked the idea of celebrating his half birthday, for two reasons. One, we haven't really celebrated him yet. I didn't have a shower when I was pregnant with him (he's a second child, after all), and we didn't do a baptism/christening/naming ceremony/100 days ceremony. Also, I anticipate that most of his full birthday celebrations will be small, since his birthday is so close to Thanksgiving.

I'm thinking about ways to incorporate Julian into our family photos next month. Oddly enough, Taison and I feel like Alain looks more like Julian now than he did at birth. Some of Alain's facial expressions remind us of Julian's sweet peaceful face. It's been hard to find time to remember Julian lately, so it's nice that Alain is helping with that now. We actually just ordered something special for Julian-more on that later because his baby brother is waking up now!

Back!

I've neglected my poor blog for a month! Here are my excuses:
1. Vacation
2. Baby only sleeping 2hrs at a time
3. Baby refusing to take naps
4. Computer not working very well

We're long back from vacation, Alain slept more like a normal baby last night and took regular naps today, and I just restarted the computer. Bonus: Taison just took Alain on a walk. Time to write!

Vacation was wonderful. The yoga retreat at Anamaya was everything I wanted and needed. Beautiful setting, really friendly people, excellent food, restorative yoga. Even without all of these things, spending two weeks with both of my boys (Taison was off for two weeks-we spent one in Costa Rica) was enough of a treat. This was all a bonus...AND we saw the Scott grandparents before and after.

There were about 20 guests at the resort along with us that week. The staff opened the week with a welcome circle, where we shared our passion and intention for the week. We introduced Alain and explained that his passion is breastmilk ; ). I also told the group about Alain's older brother, and explained how important yoga has been to my journey since Julian's birth. As I mentioned above, the yoga that week was restorative. Not too challenging or intense, with a focus on reconnecting and meeting yourself where you are. It was perfect for me-I even tried some cool new poses that I didn't think I could do. We had classes at 7:30am and 5:30pm, each preceded by a snack of perfectly ripe tropical fruit and followed by a delicious meal.

There were some emotionally intense moments for me at points during the week. As the week progressed, I realized how much fear and anxiety I had been storing in my body since we lost Julian: fear of being pregnant again, fear of not being able to get pregnant again, worry about getting Alain here safely. The retreat gave me the time and space to acknowledge and let go of some of that. At the closing circle, we were asked to name what we were taking home with us and what we were leaving behind. I said I was taking courage, and leaving guilt.

And now for pictures of Alain's first international trip:

Alain on the first of eight planes that we were on during the course of the trip. He did great and made friends on all of the flights.

First time in a pool

One of the chefs plating lunch-so many fresh fruits and veggies prepared so many different ways-even Taison was satisfied with the food.

Daddy and baby in the nearby town of Montezuma.

We had to wake him up so he wouldn't miss out on putting his feet in the ocean.

Hanging out on mommy's mat before class

Checking out the water in Playa Hermosa

Sleeping through one of many cab rides. The louder and bumpier the ride, the better the nap.

Cool vacation daddy

Sleepy boys

Hanging out near a waterfall that was an easy hike away from the resort.

Looks easy, right?

The view from our room. The jungle noises at sunset were so loud! Lots of wildlife around-geckos, iguanas, howler monkeys, hummingbirds...

Family beach photo