I've heard that the final stage of grief is acceptance. I haven't accepted losing Julian as something reasonable or part of a greater plan, but I have accepted it as my reality. I have accepted that something unimaginably tragic happened that I will have to live with all of my life. I have accepted that my heart will never be quite whole ever again, because part of it will always be with Julian.
I gladly give up this part of my heart, because I am grateful for the time I had with him, and I want him to have that part so he will always feel my love. One of the greatest lessons I've learned over the past year is that even without that part, my heart still has the capacity to hope and to love powerfully.