It's been 5 months since we met our dear Julian. That first and last meeting was so special and so heartbreaking. I have felt so much sadness, guilt, confusion, anger, jealousy, and loneliness since July 22nd. I have also had moments of peace, happiness, pride and gratefulness. I have been comforted by hugs (especially the ones from Taison), music, walks, yoga, cooking, gardening and spending time with family and friends. I am optimistic that the good times will start to outnumber the bad as I continue to adjust to this new reality.